New Paradigm for New Year’s Resolutions! 

January is a great time for committing to new goals for the coming year. But are New Year’s Resolutions really the best we can do?

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that giving thought to what you want to achieve or accomplish in the coming year is very useful. It can provide direction and, if you’re lucky, consistent motivation.

But for most of us, New Year’s Resolutions fall by the wayside pretty quickly. Ever wondered why that is? I have. And I think I have a far more effective alternative.

We are told to make our goals in life specific and measurable. But maybe we make them TOO concrete. For example, lose 20 pounds, quit smoking, or meditate daily. As soon as we get off track (which is usually within a few days), the self-flagellation of failure sets in, all feels lost, and the resolution is quickly abandoned. Or, renewed vigilance is mustered and we steam forth for a while longer only to have the lack of results or lack of sustainable effort finally derail our commitments for good.

So I’m recommending (and applying in my own life) a different approach this year. If you are a veteran of failed resolutions, or just wanting this year to be really successful for you, I invite you to join me in exploring this fundamental shift in thinking.

For starters, my focus this year is on intentions rather than specific and measurable results. An intention gives you some wiggle room and allows you to practice getting consistent at something, thereby avoiding the early (and often devastating) pronouncements of failure. If you want to lose weight, stop smoking or start meditating it means that you either:

1. don’t know how
2. know how, but aren’t doing it
3. are ‘sort of’ doing it but not consistently enough for the results that you want.

In any of those cases, you need practice (which includes trial and error) to figure out what is going to work for you. Setting an intention can give you the space to make and learn from the necessary mistakes that are part of this process. It also allows for paths to get there and end results that might be FAR BETTER than the specific goals and plans you made.

But just having intentions may actually give too much wiggle room. Fortunately, I have another fundamental shift up my sleeve.

I’m concentrating on BEING instead of DOING or HAVING. Losing weight, quitting smoking, and meditating are all about DOING. Desired income levels, new cars, and improved relationships are all about HAVING.

THE transformational question–the one that will get you unstuck and give you plenty of momentum in the right direction– is: who do you need to BE in order to HAVE or DO what you want?

An important corollary question is: what is the true purpose or driving intention behind what you want to HAVE or DO?

Here’s an example. Let’s say you have an intention to meditate regularly. (You’ve already taken my suggestion to drop the specifics of meditating daily, or even X times per week.)

What is the motivation behind your desire to meditate regularly? Maybe it’s to relax or de-stress. You’ve read that meditation is great for handling stress and you know you need that in your crazy, stressful life. Or maybe you want to connect with your spirit guides or your inner wisdom, and your teacher/guru says you must meditate. Or maybe you just want to do this as part of your spiritual practice.

A more powerful intention than “meditate regularly” would be to focus on the WHY behind the intention.

I intend to BE relaxed and at ease.

I intend to BE connected to my spirit guides and inner wisdom.

I intend to BE more spiritual.

These intentions allow for many paths to achieving them, not just meditation. They can open you to new possibilities, and to a deeper and richer exploration of who you are being and who you WANT to be.

Let’s continue with our example, and let’s assume your intention for meditating is to relax. When you find yourself in a stressful situation with someone, your intention to be relaxed and at ease may lead you to reframe the issue at hand so your reaction is calmer, or maybe it will help you find a way to diffuse the other person’s negative energies.

You might not be able to run out of the room and go meditate to in order to stay calm and relaxed. You may have even discovered that listening to your favorite music is more effective at de-stressing you than meditating. You wouldn’t have learned that if your focus had been only on DOING meditation.

It’s entirely possible that you could meditate every single day this year and not be any more relaxed (or any more spiritual) than when you started. You could just be DOING meditation and checking it off your to-do list.

Focusing on BEING will allow your intentions to unfold without restricting HOW they can be fulfilled. Appropriate action will flow from who you are BEING. But the BEING part comes first.

So think about who, what, and how you really want to BE this year, and set an intention or two or three. You don’t want too many to start with. Just a few that really resonate with you and feel good to you. Then, let the unfolding begin!

A dear friend of mine shared with me her favorite saying: the more you unfold, the less you unravel. I love that.

I wish you many blessings of joy, health, prosperity and unfolding this year. (Hmmm, who would you need to BE in order to HAVE those blessings?)

Warmly,
Evelyn