Isn’t it sad how Valentine’s Day sometimes (maybe often) falls short of our hopes and expectations?
There is actually a Human Design explanation for the strange energetics surrounding this particular holiday occurring at this specific time of year, but that’s not my topic for today.
What I want to share is a way for you to reconnect with the passion and romance you used to feel with your partner—in spite of the weird energy (and all the commercial hype)—and to keep that passion going.
If you routinely have a totally happy and satisfying Valentine’s Day… good for you! (But read on, because this tip can make it even better.)
But for the rest of us, instead of a day of blissful romance and tender love with our partner, we sometimes end up with unfulfilled expectations, disappointments, and maybe even thwarted intentions. Not very romantic.
If you’ve been there, this tip’s for you!
I’ll cut right to the bottom line. Besides feeling loved and accepted by you (if your partner isn’t feeling those from you, then work on those FIRST), what your partner most wants to feel is… appreciated.
[By the way, this tip isn’t just for romantic partnerships. Try it with your parent, your child, your business partner, your best friend, a family member, or anyone you’d like to have a better relationship with.]
Don’t YOU like to feel appreciated… for the person you are, for all you accomplish, for the skills and talents you have, for the contribution you make? For the thoughtful extras you do that seem to go unnoticed?
Doesn’t it soften your tension, ease your stress and warm your heart a bit when someone says, “Thank you” or “I appreciate what you’ve done,” and really means it?
HOT TIP FOR VALENTINE’S DAY… AND BEYOND!
Say (or do) at least one thing EVERY DAY that lets your partner know that you truly appreciate him or her. Start RIGHT NOW.
You may have heard this idea before, but I invite you to deeply engage with it. Embrace it with clear intent and nothing short of dedicated commitment. (Often, the simplest solutions, done consistently, are the most effective.)
Express what you love about this person. What you know you can count on them for. What they do that helps your life be better. Find something nice to say to them—every day.
It works best if you’re subtle and genuine about it. Make it natural, and it will become more natural the more you do it.
The change in your relationship will amaze you. I’m willing to bet it will rekindle some of that original passion you both felt.
HOW TO MAKE THIS REALLY EASY
Okay, so sometimes it won’t be easy to feel or express appreciation.
In fact, when we most need to express appreciation (because it would shift the energy of an interaction from negative to positive) is precisely when it is the hardest thing to do.
Here is a simple technique that will serve you well in those times (and for the rest of your lives together).
Get a piece of paper, a notebook, your journal, a 3 by 5 card… anything that works for you… and make a list of the things you love and appreciate about this person.
It’s easiest to begin when you’re feeling good about them and your relationship, but start right now anyway.
Remember what first attracted you to them. What thrills you about them. What impresses you about them. And what you TRULY appreciate about them.
Write as many things as you can. Fill a whole page, and start another one. Add to your list every time you think of something, and READ THIS LIST OFTEN.
Use your list to help you express appreciation every day, and add to your list as you spontaneously find new things to appreciate about them.
Then, when you MOST NEED to feel and express appreciation for them (when it’s hardest), look at your list and reconnect with what you love about them. Then communicate with them from there.
THE BEST PART
Here’s part of the transformation I promised in the title of this post: the more in touch you are (daily is good) with these feelings of appreciation, the MORE YOU WILL ELICIT MORE OF THOSE WONDERFUL ATTRIBUTES FROM YOUR PARTNER, MORE OF THE TIME.
YOU don’t change their behavior, but their behavior will change.
Because when YOU have a consistently high vibration of appreciation about that person, YOUR behavior will actually change… and then so will theirs. You will call forth and connect with those aspects of them that you most cherish.
The tricky part at the beginning is to ignore aspects of their behavior that you don’t like and don’t want. Yes, I said ignore. What you resist, persists. If you are irritated, angry, disappointed, hurt, sad, or exasperated, you are having a negative reaction (which is a negative vibration) to their behavior, and you’ll only attract more of that unwanted behavior from them.
It’s simple Law of Attraction. When you regularly express the vibration of appreciation, you’re putting LOA to work for you deliberately and with a positive outcome.
BACK TO VALENTINE’S DAY
So, it’s the special day and you’ve only just started this whole process. Maybe not enough time yet for miraculous transformations to occur.
Give this a try: feel and express your appreciation toward your partner… and don’t expect anything from them. Don’t set yourself up for any disappointments today—just appreciate and enjoy anything and everything that’s positive and loving, and let the rest go. Easier said than done sometimes, but use today as a powerful opportunity to practice this if you need to.
Also try this: YOU do something romantic and loving and thoughtful FOR your partner (and still expect nothing in return). This lets YOU set the tone. Then enjoy and appreciate your own efforts and positive intentions on this, regardless of your partner’s response.
These two actions form the other transformational aspect of this tip. By doing one or both of these actions, you’ve shifted the burden of expectation off your partner’s shoulders. Who wouldn’t appreciate that!
Your partner will no longer feel pressured and stressed about how to please you or satisfy your expectations (tasks which may be quite daunting for them), and they—and you—are MUCH more likely to have an enjoyable, relaxed… and even romantic… time together.
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I hope you found this tip useful and valuable. Please let me know your experience with it by leaving a comment.
For more ideas and information about operating more effectively in your life and improving your relationships, request your FREE Human Design Chart and Decision Maker’s Kit which will also subscribe you to my Quick Tips, articles, and occasional Celebrity Chart review emails.
Click here to learn about a Relationship Reading. It makes a great gift for Valentine’s Day, or any time of year. Truly a gift that keeps on giving!
[I originally posted this article a few years ago, which explains the older comments below. Please feel free to add your comments now!]
That was excellent Evelyn! Positive reinforcement can work wonders when raising kids too!! It's the ONLY way.
Great post!