Quick Tip: “Two Questions to Ask Yourself in Challenging Situations” 

I recently had the honor of helping a dear friend sort through a big issue in her life. Mostly she just needed someone to talk to. And she needed to feel truly heard.

Often we can gain some clarity for ourselves simply by sharing what we’re going through with someone we trust. Going it alone is usually not recommended!

After I listened and gave her some feedback, I offered two questions she could use as she moves forward in finding resolution while still being true to herself.

These two questions came to me nearly 30 years ago when I was wrestling with a major issue in my own life. They brought me both structure and a clarity that I desperately needed.

My friend resonated with them too, so I thought I’d share them with you in case you’re going through some challenges yourself (or know someone who might be helped by them).

Question #1:  Is this situation or person bringing me more joy than pain?

Question #2:  Is that okay with me?

Always ask yourself BOTH questions. Even if the answer to #1 is “yes” (there is more joy than pain), the answer to #2 may be “no, it’s not okay with me.”

Here is how these questions worked for me. Although the situation I was in was steadily deteriorating, for quite a while the answer to #1 was “yes” and to #2 was “yes.” There was still more joy than pain, and I was okay with it.

When the answer to #1 shifted to “no”—definitely more pain than joy—interestingly the answer to #2 was still “yes”—it was okay with me. This gave me tremendous clarity that I could remain in the situation by conscious choice because it still felt correct for me. I knew eventually the answer to #2 would change to “no” and I trusted that I would deal with that when it happened.

When my answer to #2 did shift to “no—this is no longer okay with me”—then I KNEW it was time to do something to change the situation… and I did.